Thursday, March 27, 2008

US Army Using Wii Remotes To Defuse Bombs

There you have it. Video games are now directly responsible for a reduction in violence.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Ugli Fruit

So apparently there's a fruit called "ugli fruit." Having never heard of this before, we had to buy one.

It certainly was ugly, and it got me wondering where it came from and why Meijer never carried them before. Did they just drop some grapefruit off the pallet, not notice for a few days, and then set them out to see what suckers would buy them? Did some oranges get radiation poisoning? Anyway, like Faygo Redpop, the audacity of the name led to me purchasing it. And then we were disappointed, because it looked pretty good inside.

As it turns out, exists outside of Meijer. It's a grapefruit/tangerine hybrid from Jamaica.
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Wednesday, March 05, 2008

You Got 30 Minutes

This Consumerist article talks about the new Domino's Pizza ads and their "you got 30 minutes" catchphrase. Not a guarantee, mind you, more like a guideline. They imagine a conversation between the driver and customer:
DRIVER: I am sorry valued customer but Domino's Pizza no longer honors the thirty minute guarantee anymore thirty minutes is just an estimate I apologize for the inconvenience.


CUSTOMER: You're serious? What a f*cking crock, you expect me to pay for this? I just saw the ad on tv!
They're kidding, but speaking from experience, this is exactly how the conversation would go. Even when I delivered pizzas in 2002, I had to explain many times that we dropped our 30 minute guarantee in favor of our safe driving policy more than a decade ago, and everyone involved is better off for it.

Apparently they have a history of bad ideas. When I first started working there in 2000, we had daily requests for Bad Andy merchandise. Bad Andy was the recently-canceled promotion featuring a stuffed monkey mascot who encouraged children to pour water on live electrical appliances:

Anyway, this 30 minute guarantee/catchphrase/whatever is unnecessary for a few reasons:

First of all, the vast majority of pizzas are delivered in under 40 minutes anyway. This does not include 6pm on Fridays, but what did you expect?

Second, customers do not care how long it takes as long as your estimate is accurate. If I'd say 20 and it took 30, they were almost always upset. If I'd say 45 and it took 45, they were pleased that I was right on time.

Finally, if they would focus on the quality of the finished product -- i.e., getting it to taste more like pizza and less like corrugated cardboard box it arrives in -- they wouldn't have to distract their customers with these irrelevant marketing ploys. Unfortunately, "Domino's Pizza: Excellent ingredients delivered right when we say it will be, or sooner!" just isn't catchy.